PKFCFFL

Week 2 Intro

Welcome back to Tilty Tuesdays, I’m your host with the most ppko96. This week’s article is dedicated to Lex who told me “Nobody read week 1’s Tilty Tuesday, it was too long.” That damn sure tilted me right off. Was it a bit long? Sure. Am I gonna shorten them up? Probably. Might it take me some trial and error? Also probably. I’m a man of the people at the end of the day, and if the people want shorter Tilty Tuesdays, they’re gonna get them but I’m also out here testing the waters a bit. Feedback is always welcomed. (SIDE NOTE: After finishing up this week’s Tilty Tuesday, I’ve realized it is NOT any shorter, but in fact might be LONGER. Like I said, it’s a work in progress. BUT I did change the format. So hopefully ya’ll fux wid it.)

Bitch Ass of the Week

Let’s just start off with the Bitch Ass of the week award. This one goes to none other than Caleb Williams. Dude got carted off with a towel over his head and waved goodbye to the stadium like his legs got blown off in WW2. Turns out he did a little ouchie to his hamstring and will probably play this coming week, but MAYBE will miss it. This gives me flashbacks to Paul Pierce getting taken out on a wheelchair for pooping himself. Congrats Caleb, you’re the first player to get the award and you get to join Klint Kubiak in an elite club. 

STUD OF THE WEEK ALERT

Next up we’ve got my STUD OF THE WEEK ALERT with Devontae Adams. That’s right, Stud of the Week Alerts can also go to people on other teams in this league. Shocking right? Obviously my guys are gonna get the tie breaker when it comes down to it but this week the Yolo Masters just didn’t get it done. Back to Devontae, this dudes almost 34 years old and dropped 195 yards and 2 touchdowns off to Bulldozer Borks front door. On Monday night football too. Nothing worse than going into Monday night thinking it’s gonna be a competitive week then some shit like that happens. Live. Love. Lucas.

Next up for Tilty Tuesdays I’m switching it up a bit on the format. Rather than you guys just reading about me tilting 360 degrees about my team, I’m gonna look into every team/ matchup and speculate what lead to some of your tilt-age throughout the week. A wise man once said “During my content creation tenure of this league, I’ve learned that people only want to read about their own teams.” That man was Alec, and I was totally kidding about the wise man part, dudes an absolute 0- time- champ DUMMY who made up legacy points to cope with it all. “Look how good my teams almost were!” Yeah sure pal. (IK he’s tilting so hard reading that right now.)

The Gals vs Big Al

First matchup we’ll talk about is The Gals vs Big Al. Ik Lex is busy and can’t be bothered to read the whole blog so let’s just get it over with. The gals have to be Tilting about Drizzy Drake London right now. This dudes got no quarter back and it shows. Cooper Rush wasn’t getting the job done so what do the Falcons do? Put in Jack Strand! Now you may be asking: Who the fook is that guy? And I’ll tell ya, I don’t know!! Apparently Michael Penis Jr. is coming back to play week 3 and the gals have to hope that he’s gonna shine a light onto Drizzy Drake London.

Next we go over to Big Al’s team. What did Al do this week? Beat his wife (IN FANTASY, RELAX PEOPLE). Real piece of work this guy is. Aside from getting the victory over the gals, there surely had to have been some tilt-age happening from him after Thursday Night football when DJ Moore ended up with an absolute nothing-burger. Thankfully Moore’s injury is day-to-day right now but it always hurts starting a guy that gives you a goose egg. But don’t worry, he also had Rhamondre Stevenson there to pickup the slack and give him 3.7 points this week. Alec still wants to claim that Rhamondre’s a “good running back”. Yeah good at running into the backs of his o-lineman maybe. Sometimes I wonder how Alec developed CTE playing fantasy football. Then I remember it probably wasn’t Fantasy but it almost surely was me throwing my bowling ball into the gutter, it bouncing up like a heat seeking piss missile (shouts out Tom Brady) then coming back toward the bystanders and landing directly on Alec’s cranium. Yeah you guys thought I wasn’t gonna mention my bowling struggles this week? You thought WRONG. (Also that didn’t happen, ok. Ik some of you are going to think it did but IT DIDN’T I SWEAR).

I-Sack vs Cobberson Bobberson

Isaac’s team is looking real scary to start off the year, he hasn’t had much to be tilting about however as the leagues tilt-master (and Yolo Master) I will find something that has got to have the man tilting a slight little bittle. And that something has to be…. Wait for it….. drumrolls please…. Is that…. No… it can’t be…. it’s…. it’s…. ITS RICO DOWDLE IN THE 7TH?? This is damn near Joe Mixon in the 2nd levels of crazy. Umm I’ll take my backup RB with a side of fries in the 7th please!! Also Isaac has the bitch ass of the week on his team but already picked up Patty Mahomes who’s on a heater to start the season. It might be tough to find some tilt-age from this GM on a week to week basis but I will find a way.

Cobb’s tilt-age is a bit easier to find. And that has to be from Scary Terry McLaurin. Because the only thing scary about him is the fantasy numbers he’s put up so far. Stefon Diggs (aka Devonte Briggs, shoutout Jacqueline) showed up to the offense and decided to siphon all of Terrys powers from him. And to add insult to (literal) injury, Cobb’s stack attack is now put on hold until Jayden Daniels heals up, which unfortunately may be a while because I don’t think his arm is supposed to bend the way it did. But I’m not a doctor.

Justy Mouse vs Boschy Barons

Speaking of Doctors… Justy Mouse Bailey might have some of the easiest tilt-age to detect through week 2 despite his 2-0 start to the season. And that comes in the form of Colston Loveland. Loveland has 1 catch for 3 yards on 5 targets… COMBINED in the last two weeks. Now here’s a guy (Shoutout to the worst announcer in football, Cris Collinsworth) everyone was expecting to take a step up into the elite tier of TE this year but instead not only has his teammate Cole Kmet outscored him so far, but his other teammate SAM ROUSH (yes he’s a real player, look him up) has also outscored him with 1 catch for 9 yards on the season!! Loveland is off to a rough start and Justin may need to prescribe the man some 2% milk so he bulks up and demands some more targets.

Now we’ve got Boschy up to bat. Boschys tilt is gonna be coming from the QB position this week. For a team that didn’t have Puka playing, they actually didn’t do too bad, aside from those damn QBs. Drake Maye had a rough week one, while Trevor Lawrence went off on the bench for Bosch. So what does Bosch do? What a lot of respectable GMs do and sent the underperforming player to the bench, “Drake we love you but you gotta step it up bud.” Is what I imagine Boschen said before kissing Drake on the cheek and sending him to the bench. Then he gave Lawrence a quick little slap on the behind and said “Show em what you got out there kid”. And damn did the kid let Boschy down. 6 points in the starting lineup is not going to inspire Drake to be any better for this team. Now Drakes probably wondering why he got benched for this bum. The confidence in that locker room has to be in shambles right now and they may need some Shed Talk to boost up team morale.

Bork Bork Boooo vs Live Love Lucas

Lucas had a great week this week, not too much to tilt about here, aside from the fact that Alec Pierce got injured and is expected to miss several weeks. Big trend this week with tilting is the injuries suffered across the league. We’re 2 weeks into the year and the injury sliders are turned all the way up. Good news for Lucas is that Treyveon my Wayward Son has returned and looked like a stud and way better than Rhamondre. Bad news is Rhamondre will continue to fumble his way to stat lines like 24 carries for 45 yards throughout the season regardless of how good Treyveon looks.

Now let’s just start off Borks section with: Bork got Porked with a Fork, not a Spork, this week. Bork went into the Monday night game with 76.7 points to Lucas’s 92.86 points. Only behind by 16 points with Jaxson Dart and Skat Pack Skattebo left to play while Lucas had Devontae Adams…. And as I mentioned in the STUD OF THE WEEK ALERT section…. Adams popped tf off. But we’re not here to talk about Adam’s anymore, we’re here to talk about the tilt-age that Jaxson Darts injury and Cam Skattebo’s 8.7 points does to a man. It’s enough to make any man say “Ugh I’m bored… GGs go next.” And that’s exactly what Bork did. A Monday Night loss like this one stings.

Capron Showdown, Cetter vs PPKO

Now onto the matchup nearest and dearest to my heart: my own. Speaking of Monday night losses that sting… I was honestly not looking forward to writing this section. I feel bad and didn’t want to risk adding any insult to injury. Cam was only down by 3 1/2 points going into the Monday night matchup with Malik Nabers left to play. Completely unintentionally and with no ill-will in mind… I might have hit cam with the GG curse. 

I came home a little after midnight from, you guessed it, another double and found Cam still up, stimmed off of the football Sunday. I knew I was only up by 3 points and he had one of the best young WRs in the league left to play. I was feeling down that I was about to start the season off 0-2 and told Cam “GG, hopefully my team can turn it around in the coming weeks, but I don’t have high hopes for the season.” And Cam responded back with “It’s not over yet, I lost week 2 last year when I needed 5 points from Hampton and he didn’t get it”. I said that’s true, anything could happen, but in my head I knew it was nearly impossible for Nabers to not get 3.5 points.

Welp then came the Monday night game, and as I mentioned above Dart got injured, then Nabers did too for a little bit but came back out there. Whilst watching the game at bowling, when Winston came in for Dart, I assumed he was going to do Jameis Winston things and throw for 400 yards with 5 touchdowns with 5 interceptions. Hell Alec even placed a bet on Nabers to have over 100 yards AFTER Darts injury. So maybe it was Alec who hit Cam with the betting curse. However Jameis apparently forgot how to play football and  Nabers ended up with 0.6 fantasy points. I’m still in shock about it tbh. With ALL of that said, safe to say Cams tilt-age came from Malik Nabers this week.

Now finally on to my tiltage. And I’ll keep this one nice and short since you got to read all about my own tiltage in great detail last week. I HATE THE SEAHAWKS SO MUCH. Why on earth is George Holani touching the ball at all. Dude is a CERTIFIED BUM ALERT. Sure he only had four carries, but guess where they all were?? On the goal line!! Oh 4 touches on the goal line from a professional running back, he must’ve got a touchdown right? WRONG. HES A BUM DIDN’T YA HEAR?? Emmanuel Wilson also ended up out carrying Price which was annoying AF but that was also due to Price getting injured during the game. TURN THE INJURY SLIDERS DOWN NFL GODS.

Wrap up

Thank you for tuning into Week 2 of Tilty Tuesdays. I hope you made it this far in. And if ya didn’t I understand TBH, this was long as fook. BUTTTT if you did make it this far please comment something that rhymes with Bork on the post so I know who’s a real one. Don’t text it in the GC because then people will be suspicious and may slide down to see what all the fuss is about. Make a PKFCFFL website account to do it if ya haven’t already.

Also, in order to do less speculation on your guys tiltage in the following weeks. Reach out to me whatever you may be tilt-ing about as the games are being played and I’ll make sure it’s featured in Tilty Tuesdays.

PKFCFFL: A REAL GOOD LEAGUE INDEED