PKFCFFL

Thursday Thots Pt. 2

Thursday Thots Pt. 2

Guess whose back, back again, thots are back, on Wednesday again. Boy oh boy, we had some thots THOTTIN this week, double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon, hella ass. There is nothing worse than trying to enjoy a nice Sunday with some football, vibes are high, you’re looking forward to a nice, relaxing day of being a couch potato (maybe catch a quick nap?), and then BAM 1:15 hits and your day is ruined because everyone sucks and fantasy football ruins lives. Yea man, I get it, but before we get down and dirty, let’s start off with an inspirational quote from the noble Abraham Lincoln: “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” Wow…some heavy stuff guys. Thot nation…LETS RIDE. *John Cena theme music carries us out*

#5 – Dalton Schultz

Hey guys, look at me, I’ve had 22 targets and 16 catches in my first two weeks including 14 targets last week. 14! I can’t even count that high! I only have 10 fingers! Surely this man would see some action going against the 30th (currently) ranked passing defense in the league, right? Right? WRONG! How about a tasty 3 catches for 30 yards. Yea I think THAT will do it. Probably had too much shit on him, probably doesn’t want to be around anymore. Well guess what Dalton, maybe we don’t want you around anymore either. He better have had a good excuse for stinking up the joint like that. Maybe a hit and run? Maybe they didn’t even matter? Maybe we shouldn’t be worried AT ALL? I’m worried Dalton, I’m very worried.

#4 – Tet McMillan

Speaking of thots and ass and cheeks and suck and shit…how about this guy. This guy did NOT rock. Did he simply forget that people took their own hard earned money, their own time out of their day, hours of study and prep, to draft him? And he is just going to suck like that? Like, does he have a heart? Did he even try this week? 2 catches for 17 yards? Now, I may not be able to count that high, but 17 yards does not seem like a lot. And 2.7 fantasy points? Sheesh, for fantasy football that is bad with a capital B-A-D! Now, in other terms, 2.7 is HUGE, massive, maybe even too much? But for fantasy football, those are rookie numbers, you gotta pump those up. We’ll cut him a little slack since he played in Cleveland, and that has to be the most depressing place in the world, hard to get out of bed in the morning and go play in that place.

#3 – Brian Thomas Jr.

BTJ really walked so Marvin Harrison Jr. could run. BTJ is so bad we don’t even talk about it. I mean holy shit balls, 7 catches and 88 years this year. YEAR! I know he was a big ol’ thot this week but he’s been flying under the thot radar for a LONG time. Somebody come get their mans. I unfortunately watched that game, and I forgot he was even on the Jags and I started him in Guillotine! Imagine being so bad, being such a bust, that we simply forgot you played football? I mean really, Brian, is life so bad that you can’t even give some poor lads some fantasy points? What did we do to deserve this. Looking as cool as he does, and wearing #7, you cannot be the 77th ranked WR in league. If I was a citizen of Jacksonville, I’d fire up my electric scooter, strap my walker on the back, load up some adult diapers, and burn the city to the ground for that performance.

# 2 Drake Maye

Drake, my sweet boy, why are you doing this to me. I was on the phone with the Thot board all night last night trying to defend not making you the #1 thot this week. “But please Mr. Boardman, he’s MY QB. He was in the Super Bowl last year, he almost won MVP, he makes great Papa Gino commercials, please don’t make him the #1 thot, please, PLEASE!” Mr. Boardman was not happy with me, I may lose my job over this, my life may be over, you might find me hanging from the battrroom. But holy fuck was this guy ass. I haven’t seen this much ass on a field since the Drake – Used to This music video (check it out, no free ads). I am at a loss for words, I literally cannot find words. I am a #DrakeMayeLover but I don’t know what to think anymore. Am I dreaming? Is this a nightmare? If so, wake me up, I have shit to do this weekend. (Destinee if you’re reading this, please don’t be mad, it was a joke, it may even make someone crack a slight smile in place of a laugh, and that’s worth it right? Right? Somone please tell me I’m right).

#1 – The back end of the fantasy draft

Now, as a man who drafted Brian Robinson #1 overall, I cannot be making any comments about drafting. But here I am, looking through the rankings this week and what do I see? Is that…could it be…do we have a Swag Master at the top of the list? I am 100% a C-Street enthusiast, I LOVE to see a fellow C-Street enjoyer kicking ass and taking names, but taking a look through his roster I see James Cook AND the Sun God?! We let a golden god fall to the second round? I was in AWE seeing Amon-Ra go so late, I mean Bijan Robinson was still available! If I knew St. Brown would still be there at the 2.03 I would have drafted differently! Shoutout to the Swag Master for sneaking that one by us, and for this week, we have a group thot to round us out. Wow, what a Shamalan twist. First we got Sydney Sweeney (sup) and then we get a Thotsome in week 2? I can’t wait to see what’s next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Drake should have been the #1 thot, poor back end of the draft (we don’t name names, this is a safe space) catching strays for no reason. I actually liked how they drafted, RIP Achane though. I probably don’t take St. Brown there either tbh, everyone knows in a REAL GOOD LEAGUE you gottta stack the RBs. Shout out my back half boys, had to take my Drake Maye frustration out on someone. #LoveYouGuys.

Honorary Mention: Omarion Hampton – no magic in the Hamptons this week huh guy?

Honorary Thot: Voodoo Magic – don’t think I forgot about that one UnderdogIsaac. I saw you cast your D’Andre Swift spell on me. But what you didn’t know is that I have a level 99 shield against all voodoo and spells. I had to upgrade after getting fucking demolished by the committee’s curse a few years back. I spent a lot of time and money (a lot of money, like, all of it, I had to pawn of some serious family heirlooms to fund this, my moms gunna be pissed) to stop another curse from happening. I bet you feel silly now, don’t you.
Week 3 Power Rankings

Week 3. Rankings. Let’s do it. Sorry for the delay, we were busy lining up a sponsor. Today’s rankings are brought to you by Google Gemini. You’ll see the power of Gemini and Superior Intelligence with some of the SI’s astute recommendations. Take notes and don’t forget, these tips are first-come, first-served!

Committee’s Notes:

No notes about luck this week, as it wasn’t very interesting or important.

Also, big shout-out to UnderdogIsaac for lighting a fire under us and getting us going. This is the type of high-quality GM that every league is searching for. It almost makes us want to apologize for our comments last week. Without further ado, let’s get into the rankings.

Purple Tier:

1. UnderdogIsaac

This won’t come as a surprise to any of the astute mathematicians amongst you. The 23-4 weekly record is pristine and just goes to show that you can overcome any obstacle life puts in front of you. Even drafting Pretty Rico in the 7th. That said, it is an unfortunate loss this week, though not totally unexpected with Caleb out for a month with light cramping. The overall strength of the roster certainly helps soothes any concerns about the week 3 loss. Next, we will find out if the Gals can knock the Underdog down a peg in week 4.

Blue Tier:

2. Swag Master YOLO Squad

After 2 weeks with no lucky wins/losses, it’s poetic that the first of the season comes in a matchup between the 2 bottom-scoring teams for the week. It’s even more fitting that they were both 2-0 going into the week. What a disappointment! The unblemished record gets this team in the top-2, but we have serious concerns about this overall roster and depth is becoming an issue quickly. If they can’t beat Yellow Tier Bosh next week… we will be sounding the alarm.

3. Rickety Cricket

Until 1855 in Massachusetts, wives were essentially considered the property of their husbands. However, with the wedding coming up, the only person Lucas owned this week was Isaac. What an absolutely legendary performance by his top-2 running backs, and validation for his Brian Robinson pick at the 1.01. We wish you nothing but the best of luck in your week 4 matchup vs. Pat, and in your life together with Mrs. Cricket. Mostly against Pat. We hate that guy.

4. Big Boutte Hoes

This is the type of victory that really gets the girls going. They put up enough points, and they’ll start saying things like “Juwan Johnson is really good!” and “Did you see how many yards Jaylen Warren got?” Of course, we know these are the ravings of lunatics, but how can we blame them when they lead the week in scoring and move to 2-1? We may have the matchup of the season on our hands this week with UnderdogIsaac on the schedule. No pressure ladies.

Green Tier:

5. Yolo Masters 420

Not quite good enough to crack the top-4 yet, mainly because they’re on the outside of the playoff picture and looking in, but it was a very productive week for the Yolo Masters 420. We do need to address the Kelce situation. We tried to warn you last week, and you decided to start 2 TEs instead of Bowers and Michael Wilson. That’s insane and you got lucky this time. Don’t push your luck and regret it, kid – and don’t listen no matter what Andy Holloway says.

Light Green Tier:

6. teddyb_h2o

How fickle it is that teddyb_h2o has 352 points to Swag Master YOLO Squad’s 349, yet they have 2 fewer wins through the first three weeks of the season. Cam bounced back and left no doubt this week. And honestly, when you look at his roster you still see underperforming stars. There’s a lot of potential here and the win this week buys time for him to realize it. We’re just a bit surprised the success of the Purdy/Kittle stack hasn’t given the Gals an aneurysm yet.

7. I Gotta Thielen

It’s interesting how much Mickey wants to talk about GMs with no championships, when that’s something he has in common with those same GMs. Counting or not counting Mickey Mouse Championships? This is a shocking roster. Loveland, Harrison, and Achane is a borderline heart-breaking trio. Google Gemini says to expect a full return from the ACL in about 9-12 months. So it’s too late for Devon, but maybe Colston and Marvin can turn things around yet. What great names these players have.

8. Team jebboc

This is a weird one because there really isn’t anyone to point to that’s severely under-performing. It’s like scientists made this team in a lab to be mid. We’ve heard of a new league type people are doing this year where the goal was to finish exactly in the middle of the pack. Guys like Deebo Samuel and Terry McLaurin probably went early in those leagues.

Yellow Tier:

9. BulldozerBork

It just isn’t looking good here. We feel bad, considering teams that start 0-3 make the playoffs only 12-15% of the time. We took the time out of our busy calendar to ask Google Gemini, the sponsor of today’s blog, for some tips for 0-3 teams with bad rosters. It said to target a .500 or better finish, you typically need to go about 7-4 or 8-3 the rest of the way to secure a playoff spot. So start targeting and you’ll be in the playoffs in no time!

10. THE Red Barons

You didn’t think we only had tips for Bork did you? This is a Google Gemini Advice Double-Feature! Here are a couple ideas for you: shift to “win-now” mode – stop worrying about long-term upside or stashing unproven rookies. Hmmm, looking at your roster that just doesn’t seem right. We’ll give you our advice instead – start Puka Nacua and Harold Fannin Jr. next week. And the other tip: trade for production – package high-ceiling or injured players to tier down into immediate, reliable weekly starters. We have a better idea – start Puka Nacua and Harold Fannin Jr. next week.
Thursday Thots

Thursday Thots

Thots? Can’t trust them. Thoughts? Can’t trust those either. Bijan Robinson not being available in the 11th round of a redraft league? Shockingly cannot trust that. A segment titled “Thursday Thots” coming out on a Thursday? Guess what, can’ttrust that either. Now, what can we trust? Easy, Urban Dictionary. According to the highly remarked Urban Dictionary user Vaginaeater123 (that’s real) a ‘Thot’ or ‘Thots’ are “fake ass bitchs who think they are the shit”. Use it in a sentence you say? Sure, Vaginaeater123 says, “All those Thots are fake as fuck”. Got it? Great, lets rank our top five Thots of the week.

#5 – David Montgomery

David Montgomery? What the hell is going on here? What did they do to us? Spoiler, my Thots list is all about the Bad Bitches, you know the ones that suck and not in a good way?Unfortunately for David Montgomery he was es no good, bad, and for that reason is our honorary Thot. 6 carries for 10 yards? 4 fantasy points? Yea, I’d say that’ll do it, that’ll make you a Thot for thinking he could even come close to his almost 30 point performance last week. This is the type of performance that has you heading back from the bars at 9:30. Gameplan was solid, drinks were flowing, the talent was there, but at the end of the night, not a woman talked to, not a phone number received, just a bar tab of 18 Mic Ultra’s and an Uber ride back. Sad day, regroup with the boys and get back at it next week.

#4 – Justin Herbert

Now, if this was a ranking of football players and their wives, we might have some good things to say about Justin Herbert, with a heavy emphasis on the wife part. But Justin Herbert the football player? BAD. Sure, the Raiders have 1.5 good players on defense, and maybe a ball or two was dropped, but I’ve seen a better passing game from Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. Justin Herbert could certainly never throw a ball of them mountains. Over the head of a receiver? In the hands of the other team? Directly into the ground? Sure, Herberts got you covered there. Certified thot and has the potential to be a perineal thot if he keeps up this shit. Hebert didn’t even make it to the bar, passed out in the kitchen before the Ubers even arrived.

#3 – Caleb Williams

Nobody look!!! Nobody look!!! Nobody look!!! Es bad!!! Es no good!!! Are we bringing out carts and tweeting out positive vibes to a player who has a boo boo on his hamstring? As a 30 year old, out of shape male who is 29 years past his prime, I pitythe fool who has me thinking his achilles snap, crackled, and exploded into a million pieces with that reaction. And the crying thumbs up? Jeez, I bet he wishes his whole leg was fired into the sun to make up for that gesture. Hopefully his teammates stick by him. I remember an up-and-coming quarterback who cried like a bitch and got carried off for an ankle sprain. Do you know what happened to him? He lost his job to a guy named Bailey Zappe. I don’t even know if that is how you spell it, but next Thot up am I right? Luckily for Caleb, he is an amazing athlete and good quarterback, but allegedly the new Madden rankings have his injury at 0 and thotness at an 80. Made it to the bar, had one non-alcoholic beer and got carried out by security, classic thot.

# 2 Marvin Harrison Jr.

Has there ever been a better player to anchor the Thots than Maserati Marv? Physically gifted, great size, excellent college tape, potential through the roof. Everything you would want to see in a Thot. Unfortunately for Marv he is supposed to be playing football, if that was a description of his Tinder profile,we’d be swiping right so hard our elbows would look like Jayden Daniels’ (sorry Jayden for the ricochet). Marv put up a goose egg while playing 74% of the snaps…he better skkkrrrthis ass to the bench. Unfortunately for Marv his production this year has been worse than this Thot segment of him, but sometimes you see a Thot and you just know. Not only did Marv make it to the bar, he shut it down, lights came on and they politely asked if he could leave. The problem? He ran the wrong route and was at a Chuck E. Cheese, dropped his keys in the parking lot, and had to hitchhike back.

#1 – Sydney Sweeney.

Did you guys know that Sydney Sweeney scored a 10% on Rotten Tomatoes for a movie she did in 2024? 2024?! Like her prime years (maybe?). Michael Jordan in his prime played baseball and hit 3 home runs, and Sydney Sweeney is putting up a 10% on Rotten Tomatoes?? You’re telling me the same person that can sell her own bath water to freaks in soap form is putting up Maserati Marv numbers? At least she is helping keep a very small portion of those men’s bodies clean…and I mean SMALL portion. I am not sure who Vaginaeater123 had in mind when coming up with that well thought out definition, but Sydney Sweeney seems to be a fake ass bitch who thinks she is the shit, or a baDD bitch (see how I had two d’s there, kinda funny right? That wasn’t a typo that was on purpose. I won’t go into further detail as I know there are women who may read this and I don’t want to spoil the innocent minds of the committee).

Honorable Mention: Alec Pierce. Ever try having ankles? Helps when you want to play football.
Tilty Tuesdays Week 2

Week 2 Intro

Welcome back to Tilty Tuesdays, I’m your host with the most ppko96. This week’s article is dedicated to Lex who told me “Nobody read week 1’s Tilty Tuesday, it was too long.” That damn sure tilted me right off. Was it a bit long? Sure. Am I gonna shorten them up? Probably. Might it take me some trial and error? Also probably. I’m a man of the people at the end of the day, and if the people want shorter Tilty Tuesdays, they’re gonna get them but I’m also out here testing the waters a bit. Feedback is always welcomed. (SIDE NOTE: After finishing up this week’s Tilty Tuesday, I’ve realized it is NOT any shorter, but in fact might be LONGER. Like I said, it’s a work in progress. BUT I did change the format. So hopefully ya’ll fux wid it.)

Bitch Ass of the Week

Let’s just start off with the Bitch Ass of the week award. This one goes to none other than Caleb Williams. Dude got carted off with a towel over his head and waved goodbye to the stadium like his legs got blown off in WW2. Turns out he did a little ouchie to his hamstring and will probably play this coming week, but MAYBE will miss it. This gives me flashbacks to Paul Pierce getting taken out on a wheelchair for pooping himself. Congrats Caleb, you’re the first player to get the award and you get to join Klint Kubiak in an elite club.

STUD OF THE WEEK ALERT

Next up we’ve got my STUD OF THE WEEK ALERT with Devontae Adams. That’s right, Stud of the Week Alerts can also go to people on other teams in this league. Shocking right? Obviously my guys are gonna get the tie breaker when it comes down to it but this week the Yolo Masters just didn’t get it done. Back to Devontae, this dudes almost 34 years old and dropped 195 yards and 2 touchdowns off to Bulldozer Borks front door. On Monday night football too. Nothing worse than going into Monday night thinking it’s gonna be a competitive week then some shit like that happens. Live. Love. Lucas.

Next up for Tilty Tuesdays I’m switching it up a bit on the format. Rather than you guys just reading about me tilting 360 degrees about my team, I’m gonna look into every team/ matchup and speculate what lead to some of your tilt-age throughout the week. A wise man once said “During my content creation tenure of this league, I’ve learned that people only want to read about their own teams.” That man was Alec, and I was totally kidding about the wise man part, dudes an absolute 0- time- champ DUMMY who made up legacy points to cope with it all. “Look how good my teams almost were!” Yeah sure pal. (IK he’s tilting so hard reading that right now.)

The Gals vs Big Al

First matchup we’ll talk about is The Gals vs Big Al. Ik Lex is busy and can’t be bothered to read the whole blog so let’s just get it over with. The gals have to be Tilting about Drizzy Drake London right now. This dudes got no quarter back and it shows. Cooper Rush wasn’t getting the job done so what do the Falcons do? Put in Jack Strand! Now you may be asking: Who the fook is that guy? And I’ll tell ya, I don’t know!! Apparently Michael Penis Jr. is coming back to play week 3 and the gals have to hope that he’s gonna shine a light onto Drizzy Drake London.

Next we go over to Big Al’s team. What did Al do this week? Beat his wife (IN FANTASY, RELAX PEOPLE). Real piece of work this guy is. Aside from getting the victory over the gals, there surely had to have been some tilt-age happening from him after Thursday Night football when DJ Moore ended up with an absolute nothing-burger. Thankfully Moore’s injury is day-to-day right now but it always hurts starting a guy that gives you a goose egg. But don’t worry, he also had Rhamondre Stevenson there to pickup the slack and give him 3.7 points this week. Alec still wants to claim that Rhamondre’s a “good running back”. Yeah good at running into the backs of his o-lineman maybe. Sometimes I wonder how Alec developed CTE playing fantasy football. Then I remember it probably wasn’t Fantasy but it almost surely was me throwing my bowling ball into the gutter, it bouncing up like a heat seeking piss missile (shouts out Tom Brady) then coming back toward the bystanders and landing directly on Alec’s cranium. Yeah you guys thought I wasn’t gonna mention my bowling struggles this week? You thought WRONG. (Also that didn’t happen, ok. Ik some of you are going to think it did but IT DIDN’T I SWEAR).

I-Sack vs Cobberson Bobberson

Isaac’s team is looking real scary to start off the year, he hasn’t had much to be tilting about however as the leagues tilt-master (and Yolo Master) I will find something that has got to have the man tilting a slight little bittle. And that something has to be…. Wait for it….. drumrolls please…. Is that…. No… it can’t be…. it’s…. it’s…. ITS RICO DOWDLE IN THE 7TH?? This is damn near Joe Mixon in the 2nd levels of crazy. Umm I’ll take my backup RB with a side of fries in the 7th please!! Also Isaac has the bitch ass of the week on his team but already picked up Patty Mahomes who’s on a heater to start the season. It might be tough to find some tilt-age from this GM on a week to week basis but I will find a way.

Cobb’s tilt-age is a bit easier to find. And that has to be from Scary Terry McLaurin. Because the only thing scary about him is the fantasy numbers he’s put up so far. Stefon Diggs (aka Devonte Briggs, shoutout Jacqueline) showed up to the offense and decided to siphon all of Terrys powers from him. And to add insult to (literal) injury, Cobb’s stack attack is now put on hold until Jayden Daniels heals up, which unfortunately may be a while because I don’t think his arm is supposed to bend the way it did. But I’m not a doctor.

Justy Mouse vs Boschy Barons

Speaking of Doctors… Justy Mouse Bailey might have some of the easiest tilt-age to detect through week 2 despite his 2-0 start to the season. And that comes in the form of Colston Loveland. Loveland has 1 catch for 3 yards on 5 targets… COMBINED in the last two weeks. Now here’s a guy (Shoutout to the worst announcer in football, Cris Collinsworth) everyone was expecting to take a step up into the elite tier of TE this year but instead not only has his teammate Cole Kmet outscored him so far, but his other teammate SAM ROUSH (yes he’s a real player, look him up) has also outscored him with 1 catch for 9 yards on the season!! Loveland is off to a rough start and Justin may need to prescribe the man some 2% milk so he bulks up and demands some more targets.

Now we’ve got Boschy up to bat. Boschys tilt is gonna be coming from the QB position this week. For a team that didn’t have Puka playing, they actually didn’t do too bad, aside from those damn QBs. Drake Maye had a rough week one, while Trevor Lawrence went off on the bench for Bosch. So what does Bosch do? What a lot of respectable GMs do and sent the underperforming player to the bench, “Drake we love you but you gotta step it up bud.” Is what I imagine Boschen said before kissing Drake on the cheek and sending him to the bench. Then he gave Lawrence a quick little slap on the behind and said “Show em what you got out there kid”. And damn did the kid let Boschy down. 6 points in the starting lineup is not going to inspire Drake to be any better for this team. Now Drakes probably wondering why he got benched for this bum. The confidence in that locker room has to be in shambles right now and they may need some Shed Talk to boost up team morale.

Bork Bork Boooo vs Live Love Lucas

Lucas had a great week this week, not too much to tilt about here, aside from the fact that Alec Pierce got injured and is expected to miss several weeks. Big trend this week with tilting is the injuries suffered across the league. We’re 2 weeks into the year and the injury sliders are turned all the way up. Good news for Lucas is that Treyveon my Wayward Son has returned and looked like a stud and way better than Rhamondre. Bad news is Rhamondre will continue to fumble his way to stat lines like 24 carries for 45 yards throughout the season regardless of how good Treyveon looks.

Now let’s just start off Borks section with: Bork got Porked with a Fork, not a Spork, this week. Bork went into the Monday night game with 76.7 points to Lucas’s 92.86 points. Only behind by 16 points with Jaxson Dart and Skat Pack Skattebo left to play while Lucas had Devontae Adams…. And as I mentioned in the STUD OF THE WEEK ALERT section…. Adams popped tf off. But we’re not here to talk about Adam’s anymore, we’re here to talk about the tilt-age that Jaxson Darts injury and Cam Skattebo’s 8.7 points does to a man. It’s enough to make any man say “Ugh I’m bored… GGs go next.” And that’s exactly what Bork did. A Monday Night loss like this one stings.

Capron Showdown, Cetter vs PPKO

Now onto the matchup nearest and dearest to my heart: my own. Speaking of Monday night losses that sting… I was honestly not looking forward to writing this section. I feel bad and didn’t want to risk adding any insult to injury. Cam was only down by 3 1/2 points going into the Monday night matchup with Malik Nabers left to play. Completely unintentionally and with no ill-will in mind… I might have hit cam with the GG curse.

I came home a little after midnight from, you guessed it, another double and found Cam still up, stimmed off of the football Sunday. I knew I was only up by 3 points and he had one of the best young WRs in the league left to play. I was feeling down that I was about to start the season off 0-2 and told Cam “GG, hopefully my team can turn it around in the coming weeks, but I don’t have high hopes for the season.” And Cam responded back with “It’s not over yet, I lost week 2 last year when I needed 5 points from Hampton and he didn’t get it”. I said that’s true, anything could happen, but in my head I knew it was nearly impossible for Nabers to not get 3.5 points.

Welp then came the Monday night game, and as I mentioned above Dart got injured, then Nabers did too for a little bit but came back out there. Whilst watching the game at bowling, when Winston came in for Dart, I assumed he was going to do Jameis Winston things and throw for 400 yards with 5 touchdowns with 5 interceptions. Hell Alec even placed a bet on Nabers to have over 100 yards AFTER Darts injury. So maybe it was Alec who hit Cam with the betting curse. However Jameis apparently forgot how to play football and Nabers ended up with 0.6 fantasy points. I’m still in shock about it tbh. With ALL of that said, safe to say Cams tilt-age came from Malik Nabers this week.

Now finally on to my tiltage. And I’ll keep this one nice and short since you got to read all about my own tiltage in great detail last week. I HATE THE SEAHAWKS SO MUCH. Why on earth is George Holani touching the ball at all. Dude is a CERTIFIED BUM ALERT. Sure he only had four carries, but guess where they all were?? On the goal line!! Oh 4 touches on the goal line from a professional running back, he must’ve got a touchdown right? WRONG. HES A BUM DIDN’T YA HEAR?? Emmanuel Wilson also ended up out carrying Price which was annoying AF but that was also due to Price getting injured during the game. TURN THE INJURY SLIDERS DOWN NFL GODS.

Wrap up

Thank you for tuning into Week 2 of Tilty Tuesdays. I hope you made it this far in. And if ya didn’t I understand TBH, this was long as fook. BUTTTT if you did make it this far please comment something that rhymes with Bork on the post so I know who’s a real one. Don’t text it in the GC because then people will be suspicious and may slide down to see what all the fuss is about. Make a PKFCFFL website account to do it if ya haven’t already.

Also, in order to do less speculation on your guys tiltage in the following weeks. Reach out to me whatever you may be tilt-ing about as the games are being played and I’ll make sure it’s featured in Tilty Tuesdays.

PKFCFFL: A REAL GOOD LEAGUE INDEED
Week 2 Power Rankings

Welcome back for week 2, everyone. Isn’t fantasy football so fun?

Committee’s Notes:

Another week where all the top-5 teams won and all the bottom-5 teams lost. Why have matchups at all if the league is going to be this fair and ethical? We’re on our league median type shit. You’ll see we have a rainbow of tiers below as things start to settle in for the season. There’s a lot of time left, though so don’t panic even if you’re in the Danger Zone this week.

Purple Tier:

1. UnderdogIsaac

Alright, we get it, he has a good roster. But now he’s in the chat posting memes that are derogatory to Cherry Street and frankly we won’t stand for that. 1/4 of C Street? Uhhhh, aren’t there a few individuals you’re forgetting? Or do the committee + Dakota not count now? We don’t like dogs either but this pet erasure is really something else. Either way, this is a scumbag GM that cheated his way to the top and karma will come for him when the time is right. Again, his team is good, but we can’t even talk about something like that right now after that stunt he pulled. Disgusting. (Get well soon Caleb)

Blue Tier:

2. Swag Master YOLO Squad

The highest ranked ethical GM, Swag Master YOLO Squad beat 2/7 of C Street this week and will surely pay the price with the C Street ladies. Their players are dropping like flies, though: injuries to Mason, Stribling, and now DJ Moore could derail the season quickly. Fingers crossed their studs can stay healthy and keep carrying them through the early part of the season.

Green Tier:

3. I Gotta Thielen

Mickey is alone in the third tier, led to a second-straight victory by Josh Allen and Johnathan Taylor. Up next is a tough matchup with his fellow top-3 team, the YOLO Squad. That should be a fun one, and guarantees at least one undefeated team through 3 weeks. He definitely needs an upgrade at WR if he wants to contend for the title, though – maybe he could offer the Gals Marvin Harrison Jr. and the 49ers defense for Drake London. It’s just a jumping-off point to initiate the discussion!

Light Green Tier:

4. Rickety Cricket

What an absolutely shocking Monday night result it was for Rickety Cricket, with Adams putting up 8 catches for 195 yards and 2 TDs, good for the second-best WR performance of the week. This is another squad dealing with injuries to some key contributors: AJ Brown and now Alec Pierce. He has a strong bench, though and should be able to weather the storm just fine while waiting for those studs to come back. His week 3 matchup vs. UnderdogIsaac should be a blockbuster. Let’s see what 1/7 of C Street can do.

Yellow Tier:

5. Team jebboc

Losing Jayden Daniels is a painful hit for this team, but really what they need is better contributions from everyone not named after 2 letters. The Raiders embarrassing the Chargers and Jeanty only getting 10.4 points is a little concerning, but they definitely have some dudes on this roster that can get hot and earn some Ws. Beating Isaac was always going to be a tough task, and they’ll have a shot at redemption vs. fellow 1-1 team Yolo Masters 420 next week.

Orange Tier:

6. Yolo Masters 420

What a fun Capron St Showdown this was. And we were sooo close to having it come down to a defense diff… that’s drama that the committee could only dream of. Alas, he pulled out the win defense-or-not and has a promising future with his 2 stud RBs whose combined age is 63 (actually true). At least he shouldn’t have to rely on 37 year old Travis Kelce anymore, though we fear Travvy may have done just enough these 2 weeks to trick managers into continuing to start him. Time will tell if ppko96 falls into that trap.

7. Big Boutte Hoes

Going without Nico Collins will make it tough to win any week and this was no exception. After sleeping through the entirety of the 1:00 games, one of these GMs was quoted asking “Did I hear them say Drake London’s name?” You sure did, and they were talking about how much he fucking hates his QB and head coach. What a train wreck that team is. They need to get back on track next week and what better opportunity than vs. Danger Zone Bulldozer Bork.

Red Tier:

8. teddyb_h2o

They’re calling his roster First Team All Questionable: Saquon, Evans, and Nabers all had injury scares this week, and you can’t help but think they could’ve pulled off the Capron St Dub if that hadn’t been the case. The good news here is Jaylen Waddle finally decided to show up for the season a week late. The bad news is the bench is looking pretty dire and they have 3 studs that may or may not play next week. It could be a nailbiter vs. THE Red Barons.

Dark Red Tier AKA The Danger Zone:

9. THE Red Barons

We won’t beat around the bush, it was a pathetic showing from most of this lineup in week 2, and Puka just adds injury to insult. TLaw looked horrendous vs. an actual defense, Metcalf got shut down, even the Bucs defense didn’t do their job against the Cleveland Browns. The entire starting lineup combined for 3 TDs and that just isn’t going to get the job done in a RGL. They have to take advantage next week against a banged up teddyb_h2o squad if they want to get back in the playoff hunt.

10. BulldozerBork

It’s a good thing this team has 2 stud WRs, because outside of Chase and Olave they recorded one touchdown this week. It was a lower scoring week across the league, but that does not exactly give you confidence going forward, especially when you’re in the Danger Zone Tier. Now he has to find a replacement for Dart, and it’ll sure feel like throwing darts with great options like Jared Goff and Kyler Murray at the top of the waiver wire.
Tilty Tuesdays

Welcome to Tilty Tuesdays, the new series where I, your beloved Yolo Master 420, document the absolute tilt sesh I had throughout the weekend

This week started nice and early with a Wednesday game…. Wait a second… NO. The week hasn’t even started. ZERO FOOTBALL HAS BEEN PLAYED. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BROCK BOWERS IS HURT??

Bitch ass Klint Kubiak, Raiders head coach, held a press conference on Wednesday and when asked about the health of the team, he responds that everyone is ready to go. What he forgot to mention was the best player on his offense, hell probably the best player on his team, just got a little snippy snip on his knee ligaments and is set to miss “a week or two” as Adam Schedter or whoever tf reported it said. Well Klint Kubiak, I hope you are no longer the head coach of an organization in “a year or two”. And congratulations you have earned the first BITCH ASS of the week award.

The tilting has already begun.

Anyways.. First football night of the season and I go for a nice dinner at Banditos with the current Champ/fellow Capron member, Cam, my opponent for the week, Isaac, and beloved friend of the league/ the Jake Butt Superfan himself, Jeremy. While enjoying some Banditos margs, I was not enjoying what my eyes behooved upon me. Jadarian Price was thrown right into the same roll that Kenneth Walker had last year. Getting all the grunt work and yardage down the field between the 20s, but none of the cushy little 3rd down dump offs or goal line carries. Instead we got some bitch ass named George Holani stealing all the good stuff while my sweet Jadarian is picking up the tough yardage. Sure it was his first game as a rookie, but still, he’s an obvious STUD ALERT yet it does not seem they want to utilize him like one. Meanwhile JSN on Isaac’s team seemed like he was off to a slow start, until he gets a 40 yard tudder on some embarrassing Patriots defense. And that led us into some nice bonus non-fantasy tilt, but Patriots-fan tilt for the game: Patriots lost AJ Brown in his first game, safe to say I went to bed that night tilted at about a 60 degree angle.

Next game was Thursday night football. 49ers vs Rams. This may surprise some, but this game also came with major tilt-age. I took the risk on CMC in round 1. Not something I was excited to do but I figured he’s a high upside pick and when he’s healthy he’s an absolute beast and a half. Then here comes along bitch ass Kaelon Black. Sure probably not the nicest thing to already give this rookie running back the title of bitch ass, but when you mess with the Yolo Masters this is what happens. Anyways, bitch ass Kaelon comes in and has more carries than CMC for the week. Surely CMC must have got injured that game right? A rookie 3rd round pick wouldn’t have more carries than a healthy CMC? NOPE! CMC is healthy and putting the fries in the bag on the sideline while the rookie eats up all the touches. Did the rookie look better than CMC? Nope. Is he going to be way more involved than anticipated this season? Probably. Safe to say I went to bed that night tilted at a 90 degree angle now. Some of you might be saying, “Sir Yolo Master Sir, doesn’t that mean you were standing?” And to them I respond: shut up, I’m not a Knight.

Now we are on to Sunday. The first football Sunday of the year!! A time for beers to be smashed and wings to be demolished. And where am I? Working a double. What else is new. Let the Sunday Tilt begin.

Thankfully, it was a “Slow Day at Work” as the town folk of Grindersville often say on a Friday. Except as I mentioned, this was indeed a Sunday. Once it finally hit 1 PM, I tuned into 7 hours of bitch ass commercial filled red zone. Still can’t believe they added those. Once red zone began I quickly realized that I was seeing A LOT of the Bears & Panthers game. And guess who has the Bears stack of Caleb Williams and Deandre Swift? Good ole UnderdogIsaac. Normally a QB and RB stack isn’t exactly the scariest thing to go against. Unless the RB gets a receiving TD they are pretty much stealing production from each other right? WRONG. The Bears put up 59 on the Panthers and Isaac put Belt to Ass on me. There was plenty of production to go around for the bears. Except for Odunze, Burden, and Loveland. Who are supposedly the top receiving options there yet put up 6.2, 7.1, and 0.0 fantasy points up respectively in a 59 POINT GAME!!! Don’t ya love fantasy? Tilt meter now at 180 degrees.

As the Sunday went on, my team collectively agreed that they all wanted to compete with Klint Kubiak for bitch ass of the week. Little did they know that there was no taking that title from him this week. The only person that decided to show up was my STUD alert of the week Derrick Henry. Maybe next week some of my other players will like to compete for that title instead.

Meanwhile on Isaac’s team they all decided to take PEDs this week and put up 196.96 points on me. The positive of this was my team literally couldn’t have done anything to win this week, the negative is I had officially gone into 360 tilt mode by the 4PM games and the rest of the day was a blur. I was so tilted off, I even tried saying some ridiculous things like “Well onto my other leagues!!” What an absolute dumbass thing to say. This is THEE LEAGUE. And it’s a REAL GOOD ONE at that!!

Sunday was over, I was defeated, I was tossing and tilting all night when I went to bed, and the Yolo Masters were onto the Capron showdown in week 2. Monday night football also happened. At this point I had accepted defeat, so figured the game would be fun to see if I had any players beside King Henry that wanted to show up this week. I had Travis Kelce and known felon, Crashee Rice left to play. Surprisingly they didn’t put together 120 points combined so I could pull off the comeback. And neither of them looked great either. Guess they also didn’t hear about the Stud alert title and wanted to complete with bitch-ass Klint for his too. AND another bonus non-fantasy tilt was I SUCKED at bowling this week.

EXTRA BONUS TILT. The first time I submitted this post it just disappeared. So I had to retype it all. I think my first one was better than this but here we are. Thank you for tuning in to Tilty Tuesdays with me. Hopefully my team makes me tilt less next week, but I doubt it. So you can bet your ass I’ll be here just as tilted. See ya then.
Week 1 Power Rankings

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome back to another year of the PKFCFFL. Your committee is excited to share the first official batch of rankings on our new and improved platform, so let’s not waste any more time and dive right in to it.

Committee’s Notes:

Just one note before we start – we had no lucky winners this week: all top-5 teams won and all bottom-5 teams lost. Hooray for fairness!

Purple Tier:

1. UnderdogIsaac

Holy smokes. This was a good, old-fashioned beatdown. I mean, JSN’s 22.20 points were 6th highest on the team for cripes sakes. This is the type of team and week that could genuinely change how we draft in this league for years to come. Turns out, wide receivers are really good. Christian Watson (also out-scored JSN) on the bench is WILD. Everyone says not to react after week 1, but it’s pretty hard not to in this case. We’re all gonna die.

Blue Tier:

2. Swag Master YOLO Squad

The best performance by any of the mere mortals in this league is enough to put SMYS in the Blue Tier on their own this week. After Isaac, every team has noticeable flaws, and the YOLO Squad’s tight end situation needs to be addressed. The good news is there are plenty of bad players on their bench that can be dropped to pick one up!

Green Tier:

3. I Gotta Thielen

A typical Justin start to the year it seems. Great performances from their top dawgs carried I Gotta Thielen to a week 1 dub. Pickens and MHJ didn’t really show up this week, and the Texans under-delivered, and that kind of makes this team a bit scarier. We saw an awful lot of targets go to his bench guys too, which is all you can really ask for in week 1.

4. Big Boutte Hoes

Jahmyr Gibbs is very good and everyone that had the first overall pick this y— wait, what? You’re telling me they picked second? But… how is that possible? The Gals had a good showing to start the season and made some gutsy start/sit decisions that paid off. We have to say though, drafting Tuten in the 5th and benching him week 1 is kinda funny. Don’t tell them we said that though. The Cherry Street showdown week 2 should be a lot of fun, said noone ever.

5. Team jebboc

Bringing up the rear for the week 1 winners, Cobb put together a very solid performance to start the season. Jeanty, CD, and McBride make a fearsome trio for any opponent. They will be waiting with bated breath to see how Ladd is doing, though. In the worst case, they have bench options, but none that they would be crazy excited about at this stage in the game. Kenny G could end up being a liability too, with only 6 touches in week 1. Let’s see how they handle Isaac’s wagon in week 2.

Light Green Tier:

6. Rickety Cricket

Lucas will continue to get trolled for taking Bijan (Brian) Robinson first overall, but he did his job this week and was the entire offense for the Falcons – just wait until they have a QB and he will be even more of a problem. This is an in-between Tier, as an AJ Brown injury and a TE start/sit decision are the difference in a win and a loss to start the year. There are some exciting options on the bench here too that will make for more difficult start/sit decisions moving forward, though losing Brown for half the season should at least make the decisions easier.

Yellow Tier:

7. Yolo Masters 420

King Henry looked like his royal self this week, and it’s a good thing – if Father Time had caught up to him, this week would’ve been quite depressing for the Yolo Masters. Surely between Tee, Rome, Price, and Rice they will see better weeks, but it didn’t happen this week and they are starting the season 0-1. If you want to look at the positive side of things, there’s literally nothing they could’ve done against Isaac’s team this week. They will be anxiously awaiting Bowers’ return…

8. teddyb_h2o

It always feels good to see Cam down in the Yellow Tier. He had an inspiring performance from Kenbone Walker, but the rest of the lineup didn’t exactly perform to the organization’s standards. The big surprise here is Waddle’s 0.70 points, which makes him the WR103 to start the year. Surely this team will turn things around and what better time to do it than the week 2 Capron Street Showdown – that’s right, 2 C Street showdowns in the early part of the season, who has it better than us?

9. BulldozerBork

In a way, it’s a good thing that Bork started Kraft over Likely – if he hadn’t, he would’ve lost this week by 0.46 points, which would’ve been far more depressing. There are a few things that stand out to us here, but first on the list is Jamarr Chase’s shocking 4 targets. He hasn’t had that few targets in a game since week 15 of the 2023 season. His 2.20 fantasy points are the second-worst of his career and worst since week 15 of 2021! All that to say, if things had gone a bit differently, the Bulldozer could be walking away with a win this week. But they didn’t. So they aren’t.

10. THE Red Barons

Bosh’s starting lineup narrowly beat his bench, by a score of 100.02-98.70. The start/sit decisions here were just an absolute catastrophe, and it cost this team a win. That said, we will admit it’s hard to imagine him starting a lineup other than the one he did. Who among us would start Coker over Metcalf week 1? There is of course a silver lining that he has some studs on the bench. Just need to make sure they make it into the starting lineup if you want to win some matchups.
Post-Draft Recap

Good morning PKFC, let’s take a few minutes to break down exactly what happened last night. Brian Robinson went first overall, Cam didn’t take a QB, and Gene Steratore talked about the morning dew for kind of a long time. For this one, we are just going to review the craziest pick in each round. We have plenty of time for full power rankings before the season.

1st: Brian Robinson Jr. – a bit of a reach if you ask us, but Lucas seemed pretty confident

2nd: Amon Ra St. Brown – surely you guys didn’t let HIM fall to the second, right?

3rd: Jeremiyah Love – the start of a very high-risk strategy… injury shminjury

4th: Tetairoa McMillan – another guy that fell a bit too far

5th: Bayshul Tuten – back-to-back crazy picks for the gals, they were really on one

6th: Parker Washington – Cam wasn’t lying, he was NOT leaving the draft without him

7th: Rico Dowdle – desperate for RB much?

8th: De’Zhaun Stribling – new Bill just dropped

9th: Kyle Pitts – yet when I take Kyle Pitts I’m ridiculed…

10th: Jordyn Tyson –

11th: Kyle Monangai –

12th: Jakobi Meyers – who knows how that WR room will shake out

13th: Deebo Samuel – we are used to this guy costing a fifth round pick

14th: Houston Texans – they’ve got a rough first month of the season

15th: Trevor Lawrence – this guy in the 15th? stud alert
A 7th round mishap? Maybe…or maybe a hidden gem?

Taylor, Robinson, Gibbs, and McCaffrey. All 1st round picks. What else do they have in common? At least 3 games of over 29 points. You know who else is on that list? 7th Round Rico.

Is he ugly? Yes.
Is he in a 3 Headed Monster? Yes (Mostly 2 heads tho).
Is he on a team that averaged bottom half rushing attk last year? Yes.

But…
He has moxy.
He has a ceiling that only the 1st round picks have seen.
And most importantly, he is on the underdog team.

7th Round Rico is ready to prove that he doesn’t deserve to be bench.
RotoTrade Post Draft Predictions

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